Wild eyes

Thu, 17 Oct 2002 22:19:31 GMT

All for the sake of healing.
She went back on everything
She stood for
Fell apart to the
Acts that she abhors
A night of regrets
Finish a lie with "I love You"
What a heartless thing to do
In the hands of another

Who have you Become?
Stranger
I taste the poison on your lips
eating through me it kills
Slowly
Breaking
Down months of strength
And memories
We built together
So high, so strong
You single handedly destroyed everything we ever were
Everything we were to become

A false commitment.
I so strongly believed
Pretending you were someone you
Never were meant to be
You've gone to far
There Is no going back...
Declare your independence
I should've listened

I was warned of the pain you'd
Cause
I knew what you were capable of
Blame me.
Blame me for trying

Who have you become?
Stranger
I taste their poison on your lips
Fucking through me it kills
Slowly
Breaking
Down my dick of strength
And memories
We built together
So high, so strong
You single handedly destroyed everything we ever were
Everything we were to become

Thu, 16 May 2002 23:41:46 GMT

Today was a better day. It started out like crap. I hate Glenn. I hope he dies. Soon. Kristen made me really really happy today. She's a cool chica. Haha, I can't believe I just wrote that. But she is. Cool anyway.

I don't know who "Parker" is, and I wish I did, but they or he or she is awesome. Because that is one of the coolest things I have ever read. And I appreciate it. A lot.

I have balloons tied to my ass.

Ok, I'm supposed to be doing Write Lab paper, so here I go. Yeah...here I go...soon...I think...yeah...

Punktopia32: so hows life thru the eyes of little miss molly
Napstar87: haha, better than it was. i think...i'm starting to get things a little sorted out in my head again. i think a hurricane went through and fucked things up
Punktopia32: yeah... haha there was a hurricane and you stood under the tree of life and got hit by lightning
Punktopia32: i do that sometimes
Napstar87: haha yeah thats a good way of putting it
Punktopia32: thats good to get stuff sorted out
Punktopia32: talking to steph and cone..i pretty much adapted a new outlook and when stuff bothers me i dont dwell on it like i used to im just like what? sadness? well FUCK YOU SADNESS FUCK YOOOUUU i deserve better than this! and i feel better. its a great attitude
Napstar87: hahaha. yeah, my friend once told me: highschool sucks, but keeping that in mind, have a good time. live it up, this is supposed to be the best time of our lives and even though i hope to god its not, i make the best of it

Does this depend on my mood?

Thu, 16 May 2002 01:40:47 GMT

I am absolutely soulless!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

Sometimes....

Thu, 16 May 2002 01:28:48 GMT

Sometimes I hurt so much inside I think I will explode. Then I hope I will and kill everyone in the process. I find myself saying, "I hate him/her. I hope he/she dies" quite often. I wish the world would end soon. And everyone would die.

I don't want to have my party anymore.

I hate you. Fuck. Here I go again. I hate crying, crying is a weakness. Somebody hug me...and mean it. Aren't you supposed to be my friend? Well act like it damn it. No wait, don't act like it. Actually be my friend. Someone. Please. I don't want to leave this world friendless.

Sometimes....

Thu, 16 May 2002 01:28:27 GMT

Whats the fucking point?

Sun, 12 May 2002 23:35:12 GMT

I suck. I'm not good at anything. I'm a crap rider and I screwed up and I hate myself for it. "Don't be so hard on yourself." Screw that. If I'm not hard on me, who will be? I screwed up. I FUCKED UP. HOW COULD I BLOW THAT? I knew that test better than anyone, and I fucked it all up. Fuck. I have wasted 12 years of my life on something I suck at. Well, I want to quit. I don't care anymore. Its a waste of my pointless time. I hate me. So, maybe its just another excuse to hate myself, but I do. Whatever. I can't believe it. I fucked it up. Well, at least I don't have to go to Championships anymore. Because Nora can go and they drop the lowest score anyway and that would be mine, so its a waste of time and money. Fuck. I blew it.

We can set LJ to Hebrew

Sun, 12 May 2002 03:02:53 GMT

Amanda and Stefie are here, we have a show tomorrow. I should be asleep, but I'm not.

There's someone on-line I would love to IM, but I'm too scared and shy. And its not Dan. Cause I don't want to talk to him. Should I? I might.

Wish me good luck. Haha, yeah...right.

Slink like the bitch you are

Sat, 11 May 2002 03:55:58 GMT

To quote Rebekah: "Ever notice how all the best lines in movies and TV have the word bitch? For example, "Get up, bitch." and "Say goodnight, bitch. Goodnight, bitch." Its a good word. I think I'm going to type it a lot now:
bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
Wow, that gets hard after a while.

I wish I had a scanner.

Uh oh...fights out. I'm about to punch your lights out.

Sat, 11 May 2002 01:58:17 GMT

How cool is this picture?

I'm so happy I found Sara. She's so awesome, not that I know her that well, but she's the best artist in the world, and she's so cool and I missed her like mad. Woah, chalk up another Sara on the list!

Choking on my own saliva

Fri, 10 May 2002 00:46:35 GMT

I am very confused by that cheese commercial.

So what...now?

"Listen, I am not a pervert." "That's like the pervert motto!"

Today in my book I wrote what I would say to Naked Who and Brian if given the opportunity. Then I wrote what I'm feeling inside but can never say. Walking in today i wanted to get to Anna, but he was next to me and i couldn't. And after he walked away everything became so clear for a moment. And then it all went wrong again.

It seems everybody had a bad day today. I knew mine was gonna be bad from the minute i walked in to the building. No wait, before that. On the sidewalk. And then everyone I talked to said they had a bad day, too.

Has it been so long?

Thu, 09 May 2002 01:01:19 GMT

With so much to say, so little comes out. How can you yell at me when you feel just the same?

Hot guy in a red Cadillac. You missed it Maytal!

It seems every song I write eventually begins to sound like one that's already been written. Not in lyrics, in melody. So I'll change the melody. But I suppose it would sound different with a band in back.

I didn't have my Gorgeous Men class today. But I did see 3 of the gorgeous men.

I was in a bad place today. Stuck between two people I did not want to be between...but I guess I always am. Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt. Love should be a happy thing. God damn it, I miss him so much. But how do we start again?

I won't let it happen again. This one will be innocent. I say that every time. But there could be a possibility this time. I haven't told anyone. If only there was someone close to him I could tell. There may be, but I don't know who I can trust these days.

You know something's wrong when the caffeine has no effect.

i want someone to cuddle

Ahhh

Sun, 05 May 2002 23:58:54 GMT

Lizzie Maguire is making me cry, its so saaaad. I wish I had a friend like Gordo, he's so cute and nice. Aww, its so cute.

Whenever I think about it, it pisses me off. So I try not to think about it, but then not thinking about it makes me think about it and that pisses me off. And then it pisses me off that I'm pissed off about it. Please tell me you know how I feel, that I'm not losing my mind, that someday I won't be so damn pissed off.

There are times, when if you handed me a gun, I would not shoot myself, but I would shoot everyone I see and live happy, instead of die depressed.

This is fitting

Sun, 05 May 2002 20:18:26 GMT

Sensitive and caring, it is obvious that you are in LOOOVE! But, sure, you're in love, the only problem is you need to have courage in your relationships. Speak what is in your heart today, you may never get another chance.

Which Good Charlotte song are you?

Stronger than the quilted stuff

Sun, 05 May 2002 19:55:59 GMT

I'm suprised to find that my friday entry actually worked because right after I clicked "Update" the internet went down.

Got back from the horseshow alive. Nappy was actually really good. After the first jumping class which went really well, he was so proud of himself he was prancing up out of the ring and he was being all spazzy and he was a fuureak in the last class, but I just laughed and Diane has been really nice saying how a lightbulb went off in my head and I'm really doing awesome. Maddy was a brat to Nora and refused a fence like 60 times. Poor Nora.

Friday night was good at times. I don't want any freaking mints! Triboob, big nipple, Dayquill, smelly drinks and all that fun shit. Sara made me happy. Kristen and Cone were cute, hugging for like...3 hours. We were sitting (ok, lying) in Maxx parking lot when 2 cops went up to Coke or Crack or whatever you want to call it with a drug dog and I was glad I wasn't up there, even though I didn't take anything...except Dayquill, hahaha. It was cool to see Sarai, too.

Whoever said I enjoy being a girl must have had some funked up inner systems. Always the wrong time...

When life is good...its good.

Fri, 03 May 2002 13:26:24 GMT

I don't have to take Putnam's test! Yay! Haha, he sent me to the library for no particular reason. I would have been happy sitting in his class laughing at all my unfortunate classmates, but this is good too. I walked in to the library and Mr. Kosier says, "Hello, Miss Singer. How are you?" and everybody in front of me in line turned to look at me and I felt like a suck-up but I really don't care.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE!!!!
I miss Daryle already. Who shall I poke, prod and kill with my brand spanking new automatic, fully loaded pegleg?

I've got another appointment that doesn't involve eels.

Thu, 02 May 2002 21:17:30 GMT

I went home sick. I had to get a tooth pulled. Oww, I threw a big fit, and I clamped my hands over my mouth and my dentist said I'm a funny girl. And then my mom threatened me and got all pissed, so I had to let him pull out but I refused to take novicaine cause I hate needles.
Kristen is my Stop and Shop buddy. I saw her searching for non-derranged rolls, and then again during my shampoo woes, and then again checking out and then again driving away!

2 of 2

Thu, 02 May 2002 01:10:10 GMT

Her.
You.
I'm jealous of you because you're better than me. Everyone thinks you're better than me and I doubt myself, thinking you're better than me. I try, but its useless. You're great, you're the best, I've lost. Inside, you're a bitch, and everyone knows it, but outside, you're the best, you're the fucking shining star. My star is dull.
You hurt people. you turn them away, you piss them off. They tell me. They tell me things they could never say to your face, but they talk. They all do. Everyone knows the truth, but no one tells the truth. Its a secret, a world wide secret, hidden from you. But its really not. Because you know your power, the power you have, over everyone, to be the great.
I wish I was you. Your life is perfect. Don't pretend its not, don't look for pity. That's just part of your power, getting people to pity the poor unfortunate...you. Even I can't hate you, because you are the ultimate, and I worship you just like everybody else. Powerless, helpless, less than you.

1of 2

Thu, 02 May 2002 00:54:56 GMT

Somehow I got a virus that sent out 1900 emails from my account this morning or something stupid like that so my mom had to log on and delete all my e-mails and shit. I ~~think~~ know someone replied to my livejournal, but my mom deleted it, so if it wss you, let me know.
I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING STUPID FATHER. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.
The test prompter gave us 70 minutes for our CAPT thingy today.

The lesson is you do whatever they ask you to do, and you do it as well as you can.

Sun, 28 Apr 2002 22:23:09 GMT

Just got back from a party at Lindsay's. It was really cool to see her again, because I haven't in awhile. I'm going to shadow her at school soon. Or, "get a tour". My mom's looking for a job at Canterbury, and if she gets one, I might go there next year. I don't know. I'm so confused.

Predictability pisses me off

Sun, 28 Apr 2002 15:31:46 GMT

"My grandma and your grandma sitting by the fire.
My grandma told your grandma she's gonna set her flag on fire."

I'm supposed to be at the Maxx right now volunteering at the March of Dimes thing but um...I don't have a ride so I'm not.

Yesterday was my horse's birthday. He's 17. I made him a treat out of an apple with the core cut out, and then I stuck a carrot in it and covered it with molasses. He's so cute. He was too sore to jump because he got shots on Wednesday but he worked anyway and when I got off he didn't try to rub his head, he just put his face in my chest and stood there.

How do you get kicked out of study hall? JACKING OFF

Sun, 28 Apr 2002 02:30:15 GMT

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.

Curse words beginning with F

Sun, 28 Apr 2002 01:52:17 GMT

After such a great fucking day I had to come home to this. God damn it. Build me up, knock me down like the friggin bunny pinata. Fuck this. For once, I want nothing to change. Change is bad. Its not good. Everything should stay the same...always. Take away the things I love. Take away till I have nothing left. How much longer till its gone?

I wish I was at the Maxx right now. To be with people. And to not know. Why do I feel like I'm taking this harder than I should be?

Thank you, Derek. I love you, thanks for trying.

I need your help...

Thu, 25 Apr 2002 22:21:40 GMT

Does anybody know anything about CD burners? ie. whats good/bad, where to find good prices, stuff like that. My daddy wants to buy me one. :D

I am so friggin proud of this

Thu, 25 Apr 2002 19:40:18 GMT

I am 0% CANADIAN!!!

(Take the Canadian-ness test)

So, yeah. I'm home earlier than usual. I got my eyebrows waxed. Trying to decide if I like them.

The mood of the day is: blah. I know of 4 people not including me that feel blah.

huuuuuuungry

Wed, 24 Apr 2002 16:13:06 GMT

Ok, I'm finally updating again. It hasn't actually been that long. But it feels like a long time. I guess because my friends thing hasn't been loading at my house.

I'm confused. I thought that I was the good guy. Why am I the bad guy? What did I do? I don't know. I never stopped, but I never started. Its confusing.

I've had such reason to be happy lately and I am, and then god damnit no matter how fast and hard I run, it catches up and I'm sad but I don't want to be. Not sad, numb. Not numb, dead. Not really, I wish. Don't care.